Dr. Strange's Fitness Made Simple

So, driving into the office today, while I should have been concentrating on the flooded roads on the Taconic seeing as I'm no Noah (1. Because I drive a tiny little Subaru, not an Ark, and 2. Because I'm no animal lover, sorry Michael Woyton), my mind began to drift to the recent New Avengers issues.

And it occurs to me that recently, Dr. Strange has been shown as wielding a seemingly limitless power — which I'm OK with, since he is the Sorcerer Supreme and all.

What I'm not OK with is, how exactly does Stephen Strange stay so thin? Have you ever noticed just how baggy his blue robes are? He's skin and bones!

He's not exactly the most active guy, either. That's what bothers me. I mean, think about it, when have you ever seen the good Doctor get off his rear? He's always floating around while sitting mid-air with his legs crossed, casting enchantments — use a treadmill, for God's sake! Yo' legs ain't broke!

I never remember seeing a personal gym located inside the Sanctum Sanctorum, and I can't picture Stephen as the type to be watching infomercials in his underwear at 4 a.m. saying to himself "You know, the Total Gym really did work for Chuck Norris and Christie Brinkley!"

So what's the secret? I know, the easy answer is that wielding the mystic arts takes a physical toll on your body, leaving one drained after matching spells with Dormammu. But does that help shed the pounds?

Driving a car takes a toll on your body too, believe me, I average about 12 hours of driving per week, most of which on the Taconic or the Long Island Expressway. But the only weight that I've lost so far is the chunk of my front bumper that broke off when I hit that Raccoon two years ago (Again, sorry Michael Woyton).

Even if slinging spells burns as many calories as, say, power walking, he still should have something of a pot belly. After all, he's got Wong hanging around the Sanctorum all day. And you know, after all these years as a man servant, Wong's got to have some tasty recipes.

If I had a live-in cook waiting for me at home, I would sure expect there to be a hot meal waiting for me on the table after a long day fighting in the Dark Dimension.

Is one of his lesser-known spells, often used off-panel, the ability to conjure a Slim Fast shake? If Tommy LaSorda could do it, then why not the Sorcerer Supreme?

Is it Atkins? Have we ever seen him eating bread?

Maybe it's all simply an illusion cast by the Eye of Agamotto. Maybe in reality Dr. Strange isn't a dignified thin middle-aged man at all, but rather a scuzzy-looking balding old man with a gut hanging out from his beer-stained under shirt.

Or maybe the artists just want him to look cool and I have way too much time on my hands to think about such things.

Hopefully we'll get some answers in a mini-series someday ... written by Rachael Ray and art by Emeril Lagasse.

BAM!